I was here

Communication: Journal Prompt 113

What did you learn from a recent challenge?

The last challenge that I set for myself were two things for the month of August.

One was the Veda challenge that I did back in April.  I was all excited to start it for August but the unplanned cruise happened on July 30th and I didn’t return until August 4th.  So i didn’t have a video to post on August 1-4.  I did post on the 5th I think and got caught up over that weekend.  I went until the 10th.  Then I was preparing for my great nieces to visit.  Went to Pittsburgh to pick them up on that Saturday and we left to come back on Sunday afternoon.  Well, that was the plan.   It was a LONG trip back to Maryland.  It’s so different when I travel alone versus with someone.  Although, lately, I don’t know that I can say it was that.  That 4hr drive seems to take about 5.5 hrs now.  Many more bathroom stops for me, plus the kids having to go at different times.  Unprepared with not having my own food so had to stop for food for the three of us.  Just a longer trip than planned.  The weather was bad before we left so I decided to stay overnight in a hotel in Pgh and get some sleep.  We left about 5am the next morning and was back home in Maryland about 10am, which was great for us to have the rest of the day.

Anyway….back on topic…..during the whole time I had the great nieces, I got a few clips here and there, but I had not talked to my nieces to see if it was ok to show their kids in a video so I didn’t post a video with their kids.  I would want someone to check with me first if they were my kids.

Other than having the kids here all week, I didn’t really feel like I had any content to record for a video.  I surely didn’t have quiet time to record myself answering the prompts, and even by the time I had quiet time, it was so late that I had ZERO energy.  Those kids tire me out each time they visit, but it’s fun to have them here.  Trying to keep them from tearing up everything is another story.

So I failed at Veda this month because I haven’t recorded a video since August. 10th for Veda.  Today is the 22nd.  I don’t even feel like recording another video at this point.  I have nothing really to talk about so I’m done with that for this month.  I have ideas in my head of what I would like to do, but actually doing it……hasn’t happened.

The other challenge I had for myself this month was a blogging challenge to post a new post every day for the first seven days of August.  I didn’t even post a single post.  MAJOR FAIL.  It’s hard for me to concentrate and focus on writing when my life train is so far off the tracks.  I’m dealing with a couple of different medical issues and it’s consuming my brain until I get to the other side of this.  So I haven’t been able to really write.  I know from past writing courses, they say even if you can’t find something to write about, write that.  Anything to get your mind juices flowing.  So I just opened my laptop and wrote the post titled Standstill.  That’s exactly how it was that day.

But now it seems like I am at a standstill with my writing/blogging, my vlogging, my life in general, my health, my finances, my career, my relationships, JUST EVERYTHING!

The frustration is enormous and the anxiety is off the charts.

So both challenges….FAILED.    I hate that because when I challenged myself at the beginning, I knew that I could get them both done with planning and organization.  I knew it wouldn’t be easy but I knew I had it in me to get them both done.

I had such high hopes at the beginning of July for August.  Then by the time the end of July came, the train came off the tracks.  I let other people disrupt my plans and I hate that I let that happen.  Totally my own fault.

I learned I can’t afford to let it happen again.

No matter the challenge, I don’t like the feeling of failure, at all.  Failure is not something that I am used to and don’t ever want to be.