I was here

If you let suicide win, we all lose.

Sometimes life can get the best of us. We have all been there. I’ve dealt with depression and anxiety in the past and know how it feels to even consider it.

But suicide is a permanent irreversible reaction to a temporary problem. No matter what the problem is that you are facing in life, it won’t last forever. Nothing does. Everything is temporary, even life. So you HAVE to hold on just to see how YOUR whole story will play out, how your kids will turn out, how your family will change/grow, etc. There is so much to look forward to. You may not see it at the time, but you won’t see it at all if you go through with committing suicide.

I know when things reached an extremely low point for me, I was too curious to see how God was going to fix that mess that I didn’t make, to miss out on it.

I held on! Sure enough, I am in a much better place now. The feeling is never totally gone, especially in the state of the world we live in today, but again, I just think these crazy times will eventually end. They have to.

Please, please, please don’t do it.

Talk to someone. And if you don’t feel like you can talk to anyone, there is always a pen and some paper. Write! Grab a notebook and write until your heart and mind are clear. It may take days, weeks, months, or years but get it out of your head.

Journaling can bring clarity and forgiveness.

Journaling can save your life. I truly believe it saved mine.

Talk to someone. Or write it out. But deal with it either way before it gets the best of you. Anything that you are passionate about, stay here for it to help get you through the tough times.

If you let suicide win, we all lose.

Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-Talk

SSSVeda Time Again

Yes, I’m on the sssveda bandwagon again this April 2018 because I enjoy finding new creators and going through the month with them.

I’ve just uploaded my Day 7 video, but here is my intro video.  https://youtu.be/uNc479PGSFA

While you’re there on my channel, subscribe and comment so I know you dropped by to say hi.

Communication: Welcome back!

Welcome back!
It seems that I have been in a funk for the past year and I’m not 100% sure why. Well, I guess I know some of the reasons why but not something I care to discuss at this moment. I will probably need to journal through that first. However, the clouds are finally lifting from my brain and I’m working on getting things back in order in my life. Restoration Time.
My interest in writing is slowly returning and I’m thankful for that. While in this funk, I knew I needed to write to help get through whatever was bothering me, but I really didn’t write anything beyond posting to social media, except for Nanonwrimo that I attempted back in November 2016. When I’m tired, I don’t really have an interest in anything except getting through the day. Survival mode is all I can handle during that time.
My interest in traveling probably won’t ever go away, although lately, I’ve had to cancel two vacations for different reasons and I’m partly stressed about that because as of this month, it’ll be a year since I’ve been on a week-long vacation. Anyone that knows me knows that is not what I do. I try to travel somewhere every four months, so to go 12 months now feels like my head is going to explode from not having a moment to travel and clear my head.
I’ve gone to Kentucky to visit my brother & sister-in-law a couple of times and I believe my last trip to Pittsburgh was probably to take the kids back last summer. Both were only weekend trips. I need a week-long vacation but since I cancelled two cruises last week (for September and December), I have other things planned to keep busy. Instead of being totally bummed about the fact that I’ve taken no vacation since last July, I decided I’m going to work on my hobbies during this time, until I can schedule a vacation for the right time and more importantly, to the right place. I have been wanting to travel to somewhere different, do something different, but because I was too busy to research and plan anything, I went for the easy way out and booked a cruise, two actually, to make sure I had somewhere to go, something to do. A month later, I cancelled them both because it just wasn’t what I really wanted to do. My interest in baking is returning, partially. I will probably always love to bake but I am not interested in baking for myself. I would say about 95% of my baking is because I want to give them to someone or take them to an event. The last time I baked was in June for a co-worker’s son’s graduation party. But before that, was probably for my Cookie Exchange back in December 2016. That 6 months is a long gap, for me.
My interest in photography is sitting there, always by my side, like a loyal pet. I wanted to say a cat, but cats do their own thing and will leave you sitting there by yourself when they don’t feel like being bothered. So much like me. Maybe I should get a cat. 😊
I’ve thought about getting a cat since buying this house and then I think about my hardwood floors that this cat might tear up. I probably should research that, but I’m thinking, no. Then I think, well I could just get carpet. Yes, that would solve that problem. Then I think about how cats like to climb up on things and if I ever saw a cat on my fantabulous (lol) kitchen counter, I’d never want to bake on it again.
Maybe I don’t need a cat.
So, yes I am back to my blog that I’ve neglected for the first half of 2017.
I’m glad to be back, and I’m glad to have you back too!

Communication: #SSSVEDA Time again!

Yes, April 1st is tomorrow and that means it’s #sssveda time again.  Time to vlog everyday in April.

I wasn’t sure if I would participate again this April but as it got closer and closer to the end of March, I started thinking “What can I vlog about?”   I reached out to my nieces to ask them if there is anything they would want me to record.  I did get a couple of suggestions but I’m not sure how or if I’ll be able to work them into a video, but we shall see.

Do I have enough to vlog about everyday?  Not at all because I haven’t been doing a lot of anything outside of work lately since my promotion, but I’m going to give this a try anyway because  I need a break to create something since I haven’t journaled, baked, traveled, nor taken any photographs lately.

Here is my youtube channel where you can see my upcoming vlogs. 


So stop by my channel and watch the videos when you have time, leave me a comment so I know you got to see it, and click the thumbs up if you liked the video.


Hit that SUBSCRIBE button while you’re on my channel so you’ll get a notice whenever I upload a new video!  Wouldn’t want you to miss what I want to show you.

Ok…..announcement made, committment done, now it’s time to hit that record button in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1…..Action!



Communication: NaNoWriMo 2016

So…..here comes another challenge that I just can’t pass up another year.  Every year I hear about NaNoWriMo and think I should join this challenge and give it a shot.  But I never sign up.

This time I have signed up for NaNoWriMo.

So what is it?

NaNoWriMo is an annual challenge for people who want to write a book/novel in 30 days. National Novel Writing Month.  They do it every November.  You write at least 1,667 words every day to get to 50,000 words for the month, which is the number of words for a novel.

50,000 words in a month??? Seems ridiculous, right?  Like, who can really do that, I’m thinking to myself?  Well, people have been doing it for years.  But from what I’ve read/seen online, they use this time to get the first draft done and edit later.  Ok, I can deal with that.  Just get the thoughts down first and edit later.   Like I said, I’ve always wanted to do it but the task seems daunting and I usually write it off as an impossibility.  But something tells me to just give this a try this year.

I wish I’d prepared for it before now, however.  I have only had it on my mind for about a week so I am not prepared for this at all.  But I still want to give it a try because I know once I start writing, I can keep going for awhile……like when I start talking.  Might not say much to a stranger, but once I know you, I’ll start talking.

Anyone want to join me?  You should do it.  I think everyone has a book in them that they should write.  Check out NaNoWriMo.org and join the site.  You can find a group in your area.  I found one that had a kickoff party on Saturday and I enjoyed meeting other writers who are about to take this challenge with me.  The comraderie was great!

They also have write-ins where people get together to write for a couple of hours each evening if it’s too distracting at your house.  I might attend the one in Columbia a couple of times, to meet people and for support but I think I would do better writing at home because of the noise of my fingers on the keys of my laptop.  Once I start typing and get on a good roll, I don’t really pay attention to the noise I’m making and someone’s mentioned that to me at work once too.  I’m like that gif of the cat furiously typing at the computer if you’re ever seen that on twitter.  So I may need to stay home to write. Ha ha.

My main goal is to just write daily for a month. Always trying to challenge myself I guess.  I don’t plan to write it all here on this blog, however, only in Microsoft Word on my laptop.   Whatever I come away with by Nov. 30th will be further ahead that what I have on Nov. 1st.  And then I can go back and edit it at a leisurely pace, which will probably take me until November 2017.  🙂



Oh and in case you haven’t seen the cat typing, copy this in your browser.  Cracks me up every time.

Cat GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY


Communication: Journal Prompt 113

What did you learn from a recent challenge?

The last challenge that I set for myself were two things for the month of August.

One was the Veda challenge that I did back in April.  I was all excited to start it for August but the unplanned cruise happened on July 30th and I didn’t return until August 4th.  So i didn’t have a video to post on August 1-4.  I did post on the 5th I think and got caught up over that weekend.  I went until the 10th.  Then I was preparing for my great nieces to visit.  Went to Pittsburgh to pick them up on that Saturday and we left to come back on Sunday afternoon.  Well, that was the plan.   It was a LONG trip back to Maryland.  It’s so different when I travel alone versus with someone.  Although, lately, I don’t know that I can say it was that.  That 4hr drive seems to take about 5.5 hrs now.  Many more bathroom stops for me, plus the kids having to go at different times.  Unprepared with not having my own food so had to stop for food for the three of us.  Just a longer trip than planned.  The weather was bad before we left so I decided to stay overnight in a hotel in Pgh and get some sleep.  We left about 5am the next morning and was back home in Maryland about 10am, which was great for us to have the rest of the day.

Anyway….back on topic…..during the whole time I had the great nieces, I got a few clips here and there, but I had not talked to my nieces to see if it was ok to show their kids in a video so I didn’t post a video with their kids.  I would want someone to check with me first if they were my kids.

Other than having the kids here all week, I didn’t really feel like I had any content to record for a video.  I surely didn’t have quiet time to record myself answering the prompts, and even by the time I had quiet time, it was so late that I had ZERO energy.  Those kids tire me out each time they visit, but it’s fun to have them here.  Trying to keep them from tearing up everything is another story.

So I failed at Veda this month because I haven’t recorded a video since August. 10th for Veda.  Today is the 22nd.  I don’t even feel like recording another video at this point.  I have nothing really to talk about so I’m done with that for this month.  I have ideas in my head of what I would like to do, but actually doing it……hasn’t happened.

The other challenge I had for myself this month was a blogging challenge to post a new post every day for the first seven days of August.  I didn’t even post a single post.  MAJOR FAIL.  It’s hard for me to concentrate and focus on writing when my life train is so far off the tracks.  I’m dealing with a couple of different medical issues and it’s consuming my brain until I get to the other side of this.  So I haven’t been able to really write.  I know from past writing courses, they say even if you can’t find something to write about, write that.  Anything to get your mind juices flowing.  So I just opened my laptop and wrote the post titled Standstill.  That’s exactly how it was that day.

But now it seems like I am at a standstill with my writing/blogging, my vlogging, my life in general, my health, my finances, my career, my relationships, JUST EVERYTHING!

The frustration is enormous and the anxiety is off the charts.

So both challenges….FAILED.    I hate that because when I challenged myself at the beginning, I knew that I could get them both done with planning and organization.  I knew it wouldn’t be easy but I knew I had it in me to get them both done.

I had such high hopes at the beginning of July for August.  Then by the time the end of July came, the train came off the tracks.  I let other people disrupt my plans and I hate that I let that happen.  Totally my own fault.

I learned I can’t afford to let it happen again.

No matter the challenge, I don’t like the feeling of failure, at all.  Failure is not something that I am used to and don’t ever want to be.



Communication: Journal Prompt 112

List as many things as you can think of in your favorite color.



autumn leaves

red/orange/yellow icing for cookies/cake

a favorite sweater






Communication: Standstill

Seems I am at a standstill with my writing.

I am no longer interested in the daily prompt because I feel like I need to write something more personal, substantial than what I’ve been writing.  I may only need to take some time to review the prompts to see if anything interests me again.

But having/taking/making the time to write like I want to isn’t something that I can do in one day when my head is in all the problems of my life right now.   I need uninterrupted time and I need other things to be done/taken care of in my life before I feel free enough to write.  It’s a miracle that I’m even doing this post now but I feel as though I should explain to my handful of readers why I haven’t been posting.

I was supposed to do a writing challenge for the first week of August.  Yet, here we are in the second week of August and I haven’t even written the first post of the challenge.

I need to get to the bottom of what is keeping me from writing.


Communication: Journal Prompt 111 – Free and Available

What things in life do you think should be free and available to everyone?

Jobs, because everyone needs to be able to work and make their own money to do what they need and want to do.

Education, because having to pay student loans for 10 years is just ridiculous.  Or people not being able to go to college, again, is just ridiculous.

Healthcare, because the cost of getting healthy is ridiculous.

Assistance with certain things, like the law, because again, the cost of being represented in a legal case is ridiculous.


Communication: Journal Prompt 110 – Perfect Meal

In detail, tell me about what your perfect meal would be like.
>Main Course

Where would you be?


I’m such a plain (non-adventurous) eater that I would be totally satisfied with a simple meat and potatoes meal.

Barbecue ribs (or salmon),  mashed potatoes (or sweet potato), wheat bread.  I’m good.   That’s what I order when I go to Longhorn’s.

The mashed potatoes taste like the ones my mother used to make.  Love ’em.